I'm in Canada, where we get snow 4-5 months of the year. Removing your shoes is not optional and just has become a year-round expectation. At Christmas, I arrive at house parties carrying clean shoes to wear indoors. A sensible solution that preserves the integrity of the outfit while respecting the host's house.
I think the polite thing to do is—if your house is shoes-off—to warn your guests. The issue is less that guests are expected to remove their shoes, and more that people want to have presentable feet/non-holey socks/an outfit that isn’t “made” by the selection of particular shoes.
I've learned that whether or not you take your shoes off in someone else's house is highly variable across the United States. In Minneapolis, where I grew up, everyone takes their shoes off when entering a home (even for a real estate showing) because 7 months out of the year shoes will track in road salt and sand that will destroy the flooring. But in Atlanta, where I live now, it doesn't snow, and it would be weird and rude for me to take my shoes off at someone else's house because everyone leaves their shoes on. I still take my shoes off in my house, but I don't ask non-Midwestern visitors to take theirs off, because it's so outside of the cultural norms here.
Seems like NYC doesn't have solid norms around this like Minneapolis or Atlanta, which makes it more contentious there.
I think this take is aggressively rude. Taking your shoes off at the door is a sign of respect for your host’s home - as a cleanliness thing (it felt extra necessary when I lived in NYC), as well as to help protect hardwood floors and rugs, but in apartment living, it is also a noise reduction courtesy to the people who live below.
I agree with another commenter that in the case of a party, a good solution is to warn guests beforehand so they can plan accordingly - and to also have indoor slippers available for all guests.
If anyone ever read the Betsy Tacy books there are great descriptions of the girls going to dances with their 'slipper bags' and immediately going to the dressing rooms to take off their furs and put on their dancing slippers. Indeed lots of gossip did seem to occur in the dressing rooms! This is circa 1910s or so, just before WW 1.
Some of those 'rules' are just begging to be read on Tik Tok in an upper crust New England accent, with someone literally looking down their nose with pinch nez glasses on. Practicing an anecdote for 6 months MUST be parody... right?
As a Midwesterner with kids, you immediately take your shoes off when entering someone's home because odds are it's snowing or muddy. Young children are trained to do so! I do understand sometimes the shoes make the outfit, and don't insist, but when I have people over, we're in a relatively small carpeted area vs a whole apartment, so potential damage is contained. And I bring my 'nice' UGG slippers (that have never been outside) in Winter to other people's homes.
Many New England homes have 'mudrooms' off the back entrance specifcally to contain the mud/snow/outdoor yuck to that one space. We (and almost everyone we know in CT) immediately takes their shoes off upon entering. Oddly, it's my NYC parents that have the biggest issue with it and seem to find it a personal affront. I've just started keeping house slippers for them to make it an easier ask.
I've got several Ukrainian friends and it's just standard that they have multiple pairs of extra slippers for when people come round. From them, I've internalised that it's kind of disrespectful to *not* take your shoes off in somebody's home, and have bought a couple of pairs of guest slippers myself. I agree you should pre-warn people if you're hosting a party, but if they're still gonna get mad about it then it's just rude.
Its strange how contentious this is! We host a holiday party every year and I always have folks who ask-as the host I dont take my shoes off for a variety of reasons (chiefly I have super cute shoes I love to show off) but I always say if that would make you more comfortable youre welcome to.
I have a German friend insist all white people in America were odd for making their guests take shoes off in company. Beyond how stupid such a huge generalization is I told her that since I have friends and family in Berlin and I've been to their homes I know this isnt completely true either.
Growing up in Baton Rouge close family often would take their shoes off at each other homes especially if we were cooking all day but certainly not for Christmas Day when we hosted giant parties and guests were expected to show up in their Sunday best.
This is a long winded of saying I find the hard shoes off no matter what folks alittle odd when the whole point of hosting is to be welcoming and flexible to folks comfort.
Edit-Just want to make a note that I agree warning guests beforehand if that really is your jam is probably the best way to handle it.
I also think it's a cultural thing: I'm Black American and I grew up taking my shoes off before going into anyone's home, and everyone else in my family/circle automatically did as well. Partially because of the Midwestern snow and slush, but also just not wanting to track outside dirt into someone's house. After 30-ish years, I just feel really weird wearing shoes inside anyone's home, unless we're all coming in and out for a BBQ or something. When I go to other people's houses I bring socks, and when inviting people over to entertain, I make sure it's politely requested in a pre-party text.
For me it depends, if I'm having a few friends over for dinner or to watch a movie it's shoes off, but if it's a bigger party or people are dressed up I let them wear their shoes. When I lived in Boston I was more strict due to snow/salt etc.
I'm in Canada, where we get snow 4-5 months of the year. Removing your shoes is not optional and just has become a year-round expectation. At Christmas, I arrive at house parties carrying clean shoes to wear indoors. A sensible solution that preserves the integrity of the outfit while respecting the host's house.
I think the polite thing to do is—if your house is shoes-off—to warn your guests. The issue is less that guests are expected to remove their shoes, and more that people want to have presentable feet/non-holey socks/an outfit that isn’t “made” by the selection of particular shoes.
I need to discuss Auntie with someone STAT!!!
raises hand
I've learned that whether or not you take your shoes off in someone else's house is highly variable across the United States. In Minneapolis, where I grew up, everyone takes their shoes off when entering a home (even for a real estate showing) because 7 months out of the year shoes will track in road salt and sand that will destroy the flooring. But in Atlanta, where I live now, it doesn't snow, and it would be weird and rude for me to take my shoes off at someone else's house because everyone leaves their shoes on. I still take my shoes off in my house, but I don't ask non-Midwestern visitors to take theirs off, because it's so outside of the cultural norms here.
Seems like NYC doesn't have solid norms around this like Minneapolis or Atlanta, which makes it more contentious there.
I think this take is aggressively rude. Taking your shoes off at the door is a sign of respect for your host’s home - as a cleanliness thing (it felt extra necessary when I lived in NYC), as well as to help protect hardwood floors and rugs, but in apartment living, it is also a noise reduction courtesy to the people who live below.
I agree with another commenter that in the case of a party, a good solution is to warn guests beforehand so they can plan accordingly - and to also have indoor slippers available for all guests.
If anyone ever read the Betsy Tacy books there are great descriptions of the girls going to dances with their 'slipper bags' and immediately going to the dressing rooms to take off their furs and put on their dancing slippers. Indeed lots of gossip did seem to occur in the dressing rooms! This is circa 1910s or so, just before WW 1.
Some of those 'rules' are just begging to be read on Tik Tok in an upper crust New England accent, with someone literally looking down their nose with pinch nez glasses on. Practicing an anecdote for 6 months MUST be parody... right?
As a Midwesterner with kids, you immediately take your shoes off when entering someone's home because odds are it's snowing or muddy. Young children are trained to do so! I do understand sometimes the shoes make the outfit, and don't insist, but when I have people over, we're in a relatively small carpeted area vs a whole apartment, so potential damage is contained. And I bring my 'nice' UGG slippers (that have never been outside) in Winter to other people's homes.
Many New England homes have 'mudrooms' off the back entrance specifcally to contain the mud/snow/outdoor yuck to that one space. We (and almost everyone we know in CT) immediately takes their shoes off upon entering. Oddly, it's my NYC parents that have the biggest issue with it and seem to find it a personal affront. I've just started keeping house slippers for them to make it an easier ask.
I do not need to see strangers weird foot issues.
Also, I would kill for that piaget cuff watch.
.Where is the watch? Somehow, I’ve missed it.
It's the final link - the recap of the nyt high jewels!
I've got several Ukrainian friends and it's just standard that they have multiple pairs of extra slippers for when people come round. From them, I've internalised that it's kind of disrespectful to *not* take your shoes off in somebody's home, and have bought a couple of pairs of guest slippers myself. I agree you should pre-warn people if you're hosting a party, but if they're still gonna get mad about it then it's just rude.
Its strange how contentious this is! We host a holiday party every year and I always have folks who ask-as the host I dont take my shoes off for a variety of reasons (chiefly I have super cute shoes I love to show off) but I always say if that would make you more comfortable youre welcome to.
I have a German friend insist all white people in America were odd for making their guests take shoes off in company. Beyond how stupid such a huge generalization is I told her that since I have friends and family in Berlin and I've been to their homes I know this isnt completely true either.
Growing up in Baton Rouge close family often would take their shoes off at each other homes especially if we were cooking all day but certainly not for Christmas Day when we hosted giant parties and guests were expected to show up in their Sunday best.
This is a long winded of saying I find the hard shoes off no matter what folks alittle odd when the whole point of hosting is to be welcoming and flexible to folks comfort.
Edit-Just want to make a note that I agree warning guests beforehand if that really is your jam is probably the best way to handle it.
I also think it's a cultural thing: I'm Black American and I grew up taking my shoes off before going into anyone's home, and everyone else in my family/circle automatically did as well. Partially because of the Midwestern snow and slush, but also just not wanting to track outside dirt into someone's house. After 30-ish years, I just feel really weird wearing shoes inside anyone's home, unless we're all coming in and out for a BBQ or something. When I go to other people's houses I bring socks, and when inviting people over to entertain, I make sure it's politely requested in a pre-party text.
For me it depends, if I'm having a few friends over for dinner or to watch a movie it's shoes off, but if it's a bigger party or people are dressed up I let them wear their shoes. When I lived in Boston I was more strict due to snow/salt etc.