Age-Old Shoe Etiquette Debate Is Back
Age-Old Shoe Etiquette Debate Is Back
The fascinating historical precedent for removing shoes in other people's homes.
The New York Times published a digest of advice on going to parties from 43 people in the social class, like Ivy Getty and Rufus Wainwright. They range from this, from chef and author Alex Hitz:
Bring a sense of humor. Bring positive energy. That anecdote of yours? Cut it by 98 percent, practice it in front of the mirror, and in six months you can bring it to the party.
To this, from event planner Sedi Sithebe:
When you’re staying at someone’s house, don’t use it as a hotel. And don’t sleep in. I can’t stand when people sleep in, in my house! And don’t leave your bed unmade. Fill the fridge. Unload the dishes. And make sure the matriarch of the family is happy. That is the way you get invited back.
Those interviewed also shared thoughts on things like whether or not you should attempt to root out and prepare for food allergies (at least one person didn’t seem to think so, wow!); how to leave a party (French exits seem to be acceptable); and what you should talk about (politics are unavoidable, but know that they can also really kill the banal chit-chat your guests have hopefully painstakingly prepared for by rehearsing their stories). Also: how could you not talk politics after that presidential debate??
I read this article like a Tara Jenkins Reid book at the beach. I may even do it again, because I’m not sure I can bear to read more this morning about how the Democrats are panicking. Diet Prada highlighted some of the etiquette tips on Instagram this week, describing the story as “a couple genuinely helpful/thoughtful pieces advice, occasionally hilarious anecdotes, and a lot of cringeworthy opinions.” The post led with what was maybe the most polarizing advice in the entire story, from Rebecca Gardner:
Many Diet Prada commenters disagreed with this stance, including Real Housewife of New York Sai da Silva:
Numerous other commenters noted that removing shoes before entering someone’s home is customary in many non-American cultures. But Gardner’s tip revived a decades-old debate: Is it really so wrong to ask guests to your home to take off their shoes?
In 2003, Sex and the City aired the episode “A Woman’s Right to Shoes,” in which Carrie loses her new Manolo Blahniks after taking them off against her will at a party. The host, Kyra, offers her $200 for the lost shoes; Carrie tells her they actually cost $485 ($838 in 2024, adjusting for inflation). Kyra says it’s “crazy” to spend that much money on shoes, adding, “No offense, Carrie, but I really don't think we should have to pay for your extravagant lifestyle. I mean, it was your choice to buy shoes that expensive.”
Carrie retorts, “Yes, but, it wasn't my choice to take them off.” She later convinces Kyra to replace the shoes by reminding her that she had spent thousands on her engagement, wedding, and baby gifts.
Thirteen years after that episode aired, a Vogue writer expressed surprise at being asked to remove her shoes at a friend of a friend’s house because, although she grew up going barefoot at home, this was “unexpected… among the New York set.”
Yet during the pandemic, many households converted to no-shoe zones. Experts and the media advised people to take their shoes off when they arrived home as a means of preventing the spread of Covid. I notice now that people take their shoes off reflexively without being asked when they enter my home.
I wonder if thinking hosts rude for asking guests to remove their shoes is more common amongst a certain fashionable, monied echelon — people who devote considerable energy to attending parties, planning them, decorating for them, and thinking about how one should behave at them. After all, people with more resources may have an easier time, say, cleaning up after a party or replacing a mud-stained carpet. Plus, regarding taking shoes off as a hassle seems like more of a Thing at fancy parties to which you are likely wearing fancy shoes. If most of the parties you go to are suburban affairs with kids running all over the place, you are less likely to be wearing Alaïa flats you feel wary to leave by the door.
Rebecca Gardner wasn’t alone in being against a shoes-off policy. Chef Romilly Newman told the Times:
When you invite people into your home, you need to let go. You can’t be like, “You can’t touch this” and “You have to take your shoes off” and “If you spill something, you are in trouble.” Hosting is letting your guests enjoy themselves.
A common recommendation (backed by Brooklyn Beckham and Martha Stewart) from well-off people who support hosts requesting shoe removal is that they also provide guests with slippers to wear while they’re there.
I wondered if historical precedent exists for removing shoes when you arrive at someone’s home, for a party or otherwise. Turns out, there is.
Fashion and art historian Elizabeth Block, author of the forthcoming book Beyond Vanity: The History and Power of Hairdressing, explained in an email that women who partied circa the late 1800s actually owned a whole suite of shoes specifically to prevent outside dirt from entering homes.
“Women of means had a repertoire of walking boots, house shoes, evening shoes (sometimes called ‘slippers’), carriage boots or overshoes. When traveling in a carriage to a party or ball, you would wear carriage boots over your satin evening slippers to protect the fabric and keep the feet warm. Upon arrival, you would proceed directly to the ladies' dressing room where the host's maids would help you remove the carriage boots,” she said in an email. “Even the carriage boots (perhaps silk, lined with fur) stayed fairly pristine, as the soles would only make contact with the front steps of homes — carriages provided curb-to-curb service.”
As a fan of The Gilded Age and period television in general, I couldn’t recall seeing this depicted on-screen. Block noted that this may be a missed opportunity (someone: please forward this newsletter to Julian Fellowes). She consulted the 1873 edition of The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness by Florence Hartley, which reads:
In the dressing-room, do not push forward to the mirror if you see that others are before you there. Wait for your turn, then perform the needful arrangements of your toilette quickly, and re-join your escort as soon as possible. If you meet friends in the lady's-room, do not stop there to chat; you keep your escort waiting, and your friends will join you in the parlor a few moments later.
So it was suggested that ladies not stop and gossip in the changing rooms, probably because that’s just what they were doing.
In any case, if the party experts of the world want to uphold traditional standards of the upper class, it sounds like they should be supporting shoe removal at parties instead of the latter.
Loose Threads
Lest you thought the fashion industry had figured out how to monetize every realm of society where people are photographed for internet coverage, Business of Fashion is here to disabuse you of that notion. A story about “How the WNBA Tunnel Walk Became a Fashion Marketing Gold Mine” explains, “[Caitlin] Clark, the NCAA’s all-time leading scorer (male or female), wore Prada to the WNBA draft in April, making her the first player (male or female) the brand ever dressed for a draft.”
Peter Copping has been appointed artistic director of Lanvin. The brand had been looking for someone since last spring.
Vogue Business crunched the numbers from the recent men’s shows and confirmed: virtually no plus-size male models appeared on the runways. While this research is exhaustive and well-intentioned, I can’t help but wonder if Condé Nast will analyze size diversity of male models in its magazines, next.
Balmain just announced a Lion King collection.
John Galliano did a long interview with System magazine. He introduced host Anders Christian Madsen to this doll, Auntie, saying, “She’s totally articulated as you can see, and there’s lots of emotion on her, these fabulous textiles that are worn with time.”
Balenciaga designer Demna told WWD, “I hate hats… It’s such a useless object, but it’s such an important object to complete the silhouette.” Cristobal Balenciaga’s “eccentric headwear” served as inspiration for the brand’s latest couture show, which featured, WWD reported, “a fishtail gown composed of melted plastic carrier bags that looked about as appealing as it sounds.”
I love this: makeup artist Alexis Stone attended the Balenciaga show dressed as Miranda Priestley. He told British Vogue, “Demna and I had originally planned on ‘doing Miranda’ for this year’s Met Gala. But there were forces above that prohibited us from doing so. It was only a matter of time until we took her to couture week. Most people at a fashion show are focused on looking their best, but I want to look like someone else.”
I leave you this week with a recap in the NYT of the high jewelry collections presented at couture week in Paris, where Hermès unveiled a fully functional tiny Birkin bag made from gold and “encrusted with nearly 3,000 diamonds, spessartites, aquamarines, amethysts and pink, blue and yellow sapphires.”
I'm in Canada, where we get snow 4-5 months of the year. Removing your shoes is not optional and just has become a year-round expectation. At Christmas, I arrive at house parties carrying clean shoes to wear indoors. A sensible solution that preserves the integrity of the outfit while respecting the host's house.
I think the polite thing to do is—if your house is shoes-off—to warn your guests. The issue is less that guests are expected to remove their shoes, and more that people want to have presentable feet/non-holey socks/an outfit that isn’t “made” by the selection of particular shoes.