The Queen Goes Full Influencer
She's 96. It's time.
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Queen Elizabeth turned 96 on Thursday and marked the occasion with the release of a portrait that surely had every influencer on the planet wishing right about now that they had sought out a horse stable instead of Coachella. Releasing the photo was among a number of well-played and fashionable moves the Queen has made of late in honor of herself. And every influencer worth their salt knows they must honor themselves as much as possible.
The year 2022 marks QE2’s platinum jubilee, her seventieth year on the throne. This is a woman who probably used rotary phones growing up, but now clearly understands that the way to engage the kids these days is with a playful and envy-inducing photograph. Being the Queen, she doesn’t have to travel to that giraffe hotel in order to obtain it.
Looking at this powerful image, you’d be forgiven for completely forgetting some recent royal scandals. First, there was the hideous Prince Andrew sexual assault case. Here’s a recap, from People:
In January, the Queen stripped Prince Andrew of his military titles and patronages amid a sexual assault lawsuit filed against him by Giuffre, who alleges she was trafficked by convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein and forced to have sex with Prince Andrew at the age of 17. Andrew has denied any wrongdoing.
And there was Kate and William’s recent Caribbean tour. That tour, expected to stoke enthusiasm for the Queen’s platinum jubilee (an influencer for whom other influencers don’t travel is no influencer at all), did not exactly do that. From the Guardian:
The signs weren’t looking good for William and Kate from the outset. The couple’s first official engagement, in Belize, was unceremoniously cancelled after protests from the Q’eqehi Maya people over a land dispute with a charity that William patronises. Heading to Jamaica, they were met with more demonstrations, this time calling on the royals to address the issue of reparations for the several hundred years they directly profited from the slave trade. Government officials backed up the sentiment, with Jamaica’s prime minister, Andrew Holness, informing a solemn William and Kate that the country was “moving on’’ and wanted to be “independent”, seemingly following the example of Barbados. It’s no wonder the royals were gracing Sunday’s front pages in damage-limitation mode, with William offering a half-apology for the tour.
A true influencer knows the best way to move on from all that is with exciting photos. Photos of of her living her #bestlife. And, like, birthday stuff!
The horse photo has all the trappings a double tap: well-groomed animals, flowers, appealing symmetry, fashionable outerwear. The fell ponies — named Bybeck Katie and Bybeck Nightingale — come in a terribly au courant bootcut. Signifying the image’s universal appeal, this moment could either be the the beginning of a music video or the theme song of a toddler’s television show.
For her ninety-fifth birthday, the Queen also posed with two horses, but let’s be honest — this is not as magical as the new photo.
This is the Kate Middleton 2016 British Vogue cover to the 2022 vintage Queen British Vogue cover.
For those who live under the same boulder as my husband and missed it: the Queen appeared on the terribly glamorous April cover of British Vogue to mark her platinum jubilee year (albeit she was one of two covers, the other going to Queen’s Gambit star Anya Taylor-Joy — in all seriousness: very clever, British Vogue). The photo the magazine chose of the Queen — because when you’re that influential you don’t have to pose for new Vogue cover photos — was taken in 1957, when the Queen was around 30 years old, by Antony Armstrong-Jones.
The last time a British royal appeared on the cover of Vogue was 2016, when Kate Middleton posed in casual clothing, including a suede Burberry coat. A source tells me that Burberry, surprised to see she was wearing their piece on the cover, tried to send out promotional emails and such to push the coat around the release of the cover, but, due to rules relating to commercializing the royals, were unable to say the coat was the same one the duchess herself was wearing on the cover of British Vogue. “[Burberry was] like, ‘Everyone is going to want it!’ And there wasn’t great stock,” the source said. Part of the problem was it was a suede coat and it was summer: “It didn’t sell out. I’m sure it sold, but it’s not like Harry Styles wearing one of the Burberry heart shirts in the Daily Mail.”
Amy Odell @amyodell
Oh. Crowns! https://t.co/1R4t1v1SFKWell what can you say? The Duchess of Cambridge is not the Queen. Proof can be found in sales of the Queen’s Barbie likeness, part of Mattel’s “tribute collection,” which immortalizes “visionary individuals with an outstanding impact and legacy,” per Mattel.
From the BBC:
Dressed in an ivory gown with blue ribbon, the doll features details drawn from the monarch's past. It wears a recreation of the tiara worn by the Queen on her wedding day, and pink and blue ribbons modelled after ones given to her by her father George VI and grandfather George V, the company says.
If you ask me, it’s giving Palm Beach seniors pageant vibes — and a lot of us are all here for it. Stock of the dolls was limited to a drop of 20,000, and it sounds like these were rapidly snatched up after going on sale Thursday. From the Wall Street Journal:
A spokeswoman for Walmart said the doll, which was only available online, sold out within two hours on Thursday.
On Amazon.com, the Barbie was the No. 1 new release in dolls on Thursday. The only ones available by late afternoon were from sellers offering the doll as collectibles in “like new” condition for at least roughly $580.
If this ability to move product isn’t a gateway to a coveted collab with Manolo Blahnik or Off-White, nothing is.
Naturally, an influencer is not an influencer on their birthday if casual social media users don’t see such messages to said influencer from the accounts of both fans and those close to them. The Duke (William) and Duchess (K-Middy) of Cambridge chimed in, as did the Duchess (Camilla) of Cornwall and Prince (Charles) of Wales.
As for Prince Harry, he eclipsed the above tweets by visiting his grandmother for tea at her place then telling the Today show, “I’m just making sure she’s protected and got the right people around her.” Well, Harry, does she really need the “right people” when she’s clearly got the right horses?
After he made those comments, he went to a pub for three hours, according to an exclusive report in the Daily Mail:
But in a sign his wild days are over he turned down free tequila slammers and nursed a single beer all night before leaving at 11pm, the pub's owner said.
The horse photo, the Barbie, and the surely forthcoming NFT derived from one of the two is a way to neatly distract the public from all that is messy around Queen Elizabeth. As is the new epic snap below. Stay out, losers — she’s going to critique her topiary and she doesn’t need any of you.
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